Awakening the Dreamer

86345d893e8c92606e46b12773d84e152017 was an interesting year. I received pay checks from three different companies, my hubby finished his Masters degree, he changed jobs, I changed jobs, then changed again….it’s been interesting. Defining and fulfilling, but interesting.

The thing is, in 2017, I changed. Truly, deeply changed. I was re-introduced to the real me, the “old me”.  After a big hit to my pride and paycheck, I was laid off in the holiday season of 2016 from a company and job that nearly sucked the life out of me. I let the stress, hours and challenge eat me alive. I changed. I was a shell of myself and no fun to be around. Frankly, I let the job redefine me and am just grateful for the people I still am friends with from that role. I was not a great person to be around, I know it.

So, getting “laid off” was a gift. Sounds cheesy and forced, but sincerely, the months of severance was just what I needed. I was paid to grieve, be angry, read, sulk, pray, study, contemplate and heal. I took classes, learned new skills, slept…a lot. The amount of sleep over those months was surprising. I organized, puttered and learned to feel again. I enjoyed coffee, the garden, the weather, my life again. I began to feel again and just in time for the final payment of severance, I had a new job offer. Perfect.

Now I know if you have never been through this, you may be thinking, “this is all very melodramatic.”  Perhaps. But I can tell you, as cheeky as it sounds, this valley has led me to the best high I have seen in a long, long time.

I have vision. I have reignited dreams. I have begun to be vulnerable again. I miss people, friends, my family. I want time with people over everything else. I miss the church. I want to belong. I have balance. I love, feel, yearn. I want to pursue the dream that has been in my heart for years and I feel strong and brave enough to do so for the first time in years.

The dreamer is awakened!  I have a feeling 2018 is going to be amazing.


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